Scar Tissue
by Don't Be Such A Sour-Wolf
Summary: "It has been said time heals all wounds… I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it's never gone…" One-shot. Anakin grieves for his lost Padawan. Completely AU, slightly OOC. Warnings: Mentions of torture, major character death, deathfic,


**AN: I know I've been MIA for a while (2 years pretty much) but someone kidnapped my muse; I put up missing signs all over for him but he was gone. I was very very worried about him. But it's okay, because of late he's been coming back to visit me for short periods which I how this story came to life.**

**This was inspired by a quote I read online: "It has been said time heals all wounds… I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it's never gone…" -Rose Kennedy  
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* * *

Blood was all over him. It was still there. He'd washed his hands a thousand times, and he could still see the blood. He'd showered a million times, but the haunting smell still assaulted his nose.

Anakin could still see the blood. It streaked all over him. He wasn't clean, no matter what anyone else said. He was sane, it was real. It was just the rest of the galaxy that was mad.

Why couldn't they see the blood?

"_MASTER." _Her shrieks played over and over through his head like a record.

A slight incline of his wrist was all he needed to make the shower go hotter and hotter. The dial was well past 45oC now. It burned his skin; it hurt…so good. He rubbed his hands together again, and he closed his eyes, praying that when opened them, the blood will have burned off.

Blood.

Anakin slammed his fist into the wall of the shower, shattering the tile. The small shards from the impact embedded themselves in his feet and knuckles, yet he felt nothing. He hadn't felt anything in days. He was dead. He must be. How could one be so numb and be living?

Yes, he had rationalised that he was dead; he had died with _her_ - from sheer heartbreak - and his punishment was to live in an afterlife that was an exact imitation of the life he'd just left…including the absence of Ahso-_her_.

He could barely stand to even think her name anymore. It hurt him. It hurt more than he ever thought possible. He hadn't known he could ever hurt this much. His mother's death paled in comparison to this; this was never supposed to have happened, he was older...he was supposed to die first. He was her Master, she was supposed to put him in the ground – metaphorically speaking, since Jedi were cremated.

"_Master!" _

_She was so far away. He couldn't see her anywhere. He pivoted on his heel and heard a fearful voice call out for her, a voice so frightened; he did not realise it was his own. _

_His heart hammered in his chest as her fear flooded through him; his every fibre flooding with heart-stopping terror. Not her, was all he could think. Not Ahsoka. For a few seconds, time stood still and he was unsure of how to react. _

_He looked to his left, so sure she had been there only five minutes ago. But the tormenting empty space glared back at him. _

_He'd take his eyes off of her for only five minutes…which was all that was needed._

"_MASTER. HELP." _

_Reality slammed back into him, jolting him out of his frozen stupor. His instincts kicked in long before his brain had and he instantly looked in the direction he was positive he would find her._

"_NO. STOP."_

_Her shriek pierced his heart and he began running, faster and further than ever. He followed the sounds of the screams, flinching every time a new shriek cut through the cold winter air. He dragged every bit of the force he could to him; forcing himself far beyond his capabilities, pushing himself into the dangerous extremes. He knew putting himself into a force-coma searching for her would do no-one any good but he didn't care, he wouldn't fail her...not her; he could do this, he could handle it._

_He could feel his pulse soar, sweat poured down his forehead from both the physical and mental exertion, and the strain threaten to make him collapse…but he kept on…he had to find her._

"_Help me." It was hoarse and quiet, and Anakin shouldn't have heard it from the distance he was at from her. The tone in her voice frightened him beyond belief; Ahsoka Tano was cocky, and that always came through in her voice...but not now. That voice that had spoke – no, __**whimpered**__ – to him was vulnerable and dependent...and a child, three things that he'd never caught even caught a glimpse of before in Ahsoka._

_He felt his heart break as he realised he was too far, deep down he knew he didn't have time. But he refused to believe it; he kept on pushing on._

_One final scream. _

_Then everything fell silent._

Rubbed raw skin protested at the shredding touch of the scratchy cotton towel. His eyes were still closed and his hands trembled. He didn't dare look. What if the blood was still there? It was the bold-faced indication of his guilt and it framed him as the one to blame, it would always be the sign that told everyone that someone died because of him, someone who he was responsible for; a child, barely 16 years old – so very young.

"_MASTER" _

Her screams wouldn't ever leave him. He had been too late – he was always too late. He'd failed her in the worst possible way; he'd not been there for her the time she needed him more than ever. He would've done anything to save her; he would've laid down his life had he needed to. All she had to do was ask. He would've moved mountains to save her, he'd of crossed the Universe for her…but he never got the chance; she'd been too weak to even move her when he found her.

She'd asked him to save her, she begged for him to find her...but he hadn't, and the knowledge of that was slowly killing him

Her death hadn't been instant. No, it wasn't even on that battlefield. He'd didn't know why she'd strayed away from the main battle but she'd moved to a clearing, which was where something or someone had incapacitated her – he may never know who. And, it wasn't there where he found her either.

When he finally got to where he was certain she been calling him from – that clearing - she was gone. Only a slight dint in the ground, and small trickles of horribly red blood were indications that she'd ever been there.

She died in an abandoned, crippled warehouse on the other side of the planet.

He found her. It took a while but he did. He found her too late. She was bloodied and beaten; left to die and she should have – they'd hurt her so much, but his little Snips had held on. She ignored the pain, her shallow breathing, and the darkness that threatened to overwhelm her; and she had waited for him, she'd held on…just to say goodbye.

Anakin had gently eased her into his arms, being oh-so-careful not to cause her anymore pain than necessary. Only now, when he had sat down next to her, did he see the extent of her injuries. They'd _tortured_ her.

She been burned; most likely by an electrostaff, and it looked like they'd taken a vibrowhip to her; flesh hung off of her back like rope, fresh blood painting it crimson. Just looking at her, he knew right then that she wasn't going to make it...but how could he accept that? After all they'd done together, all they'd seen; the friendship and trust that had solidified...how could he ever let go?

She'd looked up at him with her big blue eyes; haunted and frightened – like all the innocence and childlike enthusiasm had been beaten out of her. One eye wasn't focused properly; it stared into space – a bit like one of those dolls for children, when one eye broke. He suspected she couldn't see out of that left eye, and he could tell the right one was struggling too. But she was in too much pain to notice.

He'd cried for a medic, he'd shouted and screamed; though he knew he was alone, he'd run off on his own to look for her. No-one knew he was there, no-one knew she was dying in his arms.

There was so much blood.

"_MEDIC!" Anakin called out, unintentionally jostling Ahsoka. However, the pain that crippled through her was enough to rouse her from her unseeing, unfeeling state of dizziness._

"_M-master." Blood frothed at her mouth and her eyes rolled around in her head, like she wasn't properly there. "I'mmagonbe." Her words slurred together slightly before she paused to let out a hacking cough, blood mixing in with the saliva. "I'm f-fine."_

"_Of course you are." He told her with a gentle smile, his attention fixed on solely her now. "And you're gonna get even better."_

_Ahsoka coughed again and Anakin tried not to look, for fear he may just break. "L-liar."_

_Anakin's gloved hand came up slowly to her head, gently wiping away a slight trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth; that small gesture holding all the love he had for her, the love he'd been too proud, too weak, and too frightened; to show. He was so proud of her. She was so strong; stronger than he would ever be._

"_D-do you th-" Ahsoka grimaced in pain as a slight spasm overcame her. She tried to give him a smile; twisted a warped with bruises and cuts. "D'ya think th-there's an-nything? You k-know…after th-this?"_

"_I don't know." Anakin told her, lifting her closer to his chest. "And you won't either…not for at least a hundred years – hundred and fifty if I have my way."_

"_You couldn't pr-protect m-me f'rever." Ahsoka's breathing was so short and laboured now._

_Anakin scrunched his brow and blinked a few times, ridding his eyes of excess moisture. "I tried and…I should've been able to. I should've tried harder."_

"_It's n-not your f-fault. It's n-ne'er been y-your fault. I'm to-too reck…less."_

"_Where do you think you get that from?" Anakin laughed despite himself. "And I know that you're just as stubborn as I am, so you'll hold on."_

"_I h-held on th-this long, d-did'nt I?" Ahsoka didn't have the strength to smile cockily. "Typ-ical, Skyguy; I d-do some…thing ex'tro'nary…and you f-find fault."_

"_Shhh." Anakin said softly, stroking a thumb down her cheek. "Save your energy, Snips. Just stay strong until someone gets here, Obi-Wan will find us."_

"_C-can I n-not die on m-my own time…timetable?" Ahsoka leant her face into his armoured chest, relishing in her last moments. He still smelt the same; like oil and the smell of dust after rain and safety…and home. The comfortingly familiar scent was still there, hidden behind the blood and dirt and grime. Ahsoka cherished this for the last time; this is what safety feels like, however mislead it may be...and this...this is home. This is what it felt like to be home._

"_You're not dying." Anakin snapped at her before his face softened and his tone quietened to a gentle coo. "You aren't, okay? You're gonna be fine; I promise you. You just have to fight a bit more. Come on, it's not like you to turn down a fight."_

"_L-lying be-coming a ha-bit?"_

"_It's not a lie."_

"_It is." For the first time, Ahsoka's voice came out full of tears and angry. "Don't lie t-to me. I k-know, Skyguy. I k-know th-there's noth-ing an'one can do for me. I'm d-dying."_

_This time, Anakin didn't try to stop the tears that were brewing, a few slipped down his nose and splashed onto his ailing Padawan. "Ahsoka. I failed you." He stopped for a moment. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."_

"_Not y-your f-fault. Y-you n-never f-fail me."_

"_Don't defend me." Anakin scolded the girl lightly. "This was all my fault, Ahsoka. This was a risky mission."_

"_All mis-sions are ris-risky." Ahsoka shook her head as she frowned in pain, staring past Anakin at a fixed point on the wall. "I d-don't wan-na argue with ya'." Ahsoka appeared to have a stroke of inspiration. "T-the peo-ple on this planet say that…wh-en ya' d-die…there's a he-heaven and y-you get to be a-an an-gel. May-be the f-force i-is ho-holding a pl-place for me, spe-cial j-job t-to wa-watch over…all you; all my fa-family."_

"_The force doesn't need to hold you a place, you have one here." Anakin gently rubbed a hand up and down her arm, trying not to think of how cold she was to his touch. "You have me."_

"_I k-know" Ahsoka's face scrunched up and, had she the energy, she would've cried with her mentor. "And I w-want to st-ay Mas-ter. I wanna st-stay so bad." She bowed her head a little before quietly admitting. "I'm scared."_

_Anakin's breath caught in his throat. All thoughts of bartering and begging for her to stay were gone, and he did what she needed him to do: he helped her along and was there for her. He did it for her...only for her. For once, he put aside his own emotions and he became what she needed._

"_Don't be." Anakin lifted her a little so he could lean his forehead against hers, quietly breathing in and committing her scent to memory. She smelt so…young; like fruits and sweets and grass and water._

_Ahsoka could feel his tickly breath on her cheek; it was nice…it was soothing "You know what I think? I think that the force is gonna make sure you're okay, it's gonna make sure you're happy and safe. It'll do my job for me, until I can join you. So don't you be frightened, Ahsoka Tano…not for one minute. You gotta be brave and have faith. Just tell yourself everything will be alright, which it will be because I promise you, you will never be alone…and you will always be loved. Wherever you are, wherever I am...it doesn't matter because we're connected, not even the force would dare break our bond. Never forget that, Ahsoka, not even for a second. Never forget that…I love you and I'm so proud of you and everything you've done, and nothing – not even time – will change that, I swear." _

_Anakin swallowed; his throat thick and heavy. He was frightened that his tear-filled voice wasn't exactly inspiring Ahsoka with confidence. Oh force, he wasn't ready for this…he wouldn't ever be ready for this. She wasn't supposed to die; he was supposed to go first - he was older._

"_D-do ya' re-really mean th-that?"_

_His answer was firm and even this time as he gained a grip on his emotions, he had to be strong for her. She needed him. "Of course." _

"_Master." Her voice came out as a weak whine. "I…lo-love you, t-too." Ahsoka thought that was the first time she'd ever said those words, it was the only time she'd had the chance._

"_I know." Anakin smiled his hand resting on the side of her face, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek. He slowly lifted his head, so their foreheads weren't touching anymore, so that he could place a firm kiss on her forehead, lingering there for a while. He didn't want this to end; he didn't want her to go._

_He only pulled his lips away from the girl's forehead when he heard quick footsteps coming in rapid succession. His head flew up and for the first time in hours, hope flew through him. Perhaps it was a medical convoy. If they could just get her to a medic, she could be saved. She could…he just knew it._

_Obi-Wan flew into the room and Anakin's heart sunk a little…but maybe he could help. The older man stopped suddenly at the sight in front of him, mouthing 'Ahsoka' and something else that looked suspiciously like a curse word._

"_Obi-Wan. Help her. Please…" Anakin gestured to the dying girl, his voice cracking and breaking "…please, help her."_

_Obi-Wan shook his head, his heart aching for the pair on the floor. How he wished he could help…but this was beyond his ability. He was no healer. "Anakin." Obi-Wan changed his mind and used the boy's pet name. "Ani…you know...I can't...this is...beyond my ability, Anakin. I can't help her."_

"_Please." Obi-Wan's was sure the way his former student unashamedly pleaded and begged him - tears falling down his tan face – had shattered his heart. "Please…help her." If the tears hadn't already broke Obi-Wan's heart, the young man's pitiful heartbroken whine just had. "I need you. I need you, Obi-Wan. I need you to help me. She can't die." Anakin looked down at the girl and shook his head, reiterating. "She can't die."_

_Obi-Wan shook his head gently and said quietly. "If the force is taking her, then not a force in this Galaxy can defy it. I'm so sorry. I can't help. I'm not able to. It's her time and I don't have to power to chance that. I'm sorry, Ani." Obi-Wan tried not to look at the child; the way her chest rose and fell heavily as she struggled to breath. She must be in so much pain. Her eyes had long since closed; she was at the end now._

"_I don't care. I don't give a kark about what the force wants!" Anakin snapped roughly as he held her closer, cradling and rocking her in an almost possessive manner. "It can have anyone else; it can have me, please let it take me. J-just not her. Not her."_

"_Ob-Obe…Obi-Ob-i…W…W" Ahsoka struggled to get the words out as she wheezed and her back arched, trying to fight for air._

_Obi-Wan, knowing Ahsoka was asking for him, knelt next to Anakin and put a light hand on the child's face, giving her her request. "I'm here."_

_Ahsoka eyes met Obi-Wans' for a few seconds before she looked over to Anakin, then, looking back to Obi-Wan, she spoke so softly and quietly the man had to strain to hear her. "You l-look af-ter h-him. O-okay?"_

"_I will. I promise." His answer was instantaneous._

_Ahsoka cried out in pain, her eyes shutting quickly and she bit down on her lip._

"_Shh, shh. It's okay." Anakin cooed, taking her hand again and holding it so gently, as if he feared he'd shatter it._

"_I-I'm sorry." She said quickly and opened her teary eyes to meet her Master's. Her voice came out stronger than it had in a while but even Anakin could see she had minutes left. "I-I should'nt have w-wandered of-off. Master, I'm sorry. Ah." Ahsoka flinched again as a crippling pain ran through her body._

"_That's all in the past. It doesn't matter now because I've forgiven you. You are forgiven, Ahsoka. You're always forgiven, little one." Anakin winced as Ahsoka let out another whimper; he was so helpless. "It's not gonna hurt much longer, little one. You'll be safe and…you'll be happy, very very soon. Just think about that, think of only that."_

"_H-hurts."_

"_Shhh." Anakin rocked her a little as her eyes struggled to stay._

"_S-scared."_

"_I know." Anakin pressed his head to hers again. "It's okay, Snips. Be strong now. It'll all be okay because you are brilliant, you're more than brilliant...you're the bravest girl I've ever known. And I'm here with you." Anakin's voice broke. "I'm always here, Snips." _

_Ahsoka forced a smile onto her face with the last of her energy, giving them a look that she hoped told them she was okay and she was ready…and she didn't ever blame them. "Thank you" _

_She was so tired, she reached up and put a shaky hand on Anakin's cheek - her final goodbye – before whispering in a hoarse fragile voice "I'm sorry", before she grimaced and scrunched her face up from the excruciating pain._

_Then the lines disappeared from her young face._

_Then she was still._

_Ahsoka Tano was gone._

_And Anakin cried._

Surely the afterlife of the force was already pretty crowded; surely there were enough people in the realm of the dead…so why would it want her? There were already so many that were one with the force…what did it need her for? Why couldn't she stay? She was his child; the only child he would ever have. Padme was his angel, but Ahsoka was his _little_ angel; didn't the force have enough of its own? She already had a home…why would it take her?

_Anakin held her long after her eyes had shut. He wouldn't let go; he couldn't ever let go – he feared it would kill him. He had to keep her here…she couldn't go. She couldn't. He cried and rocked her. His head pressed hard against hers, ignoring how her limp body flopped in his arms. He cradled her and whispered his apologies and cried freely, not caring that his former Master was stood mere feet away._

_When Obi-Wan had finally managed to drag the numb young man to his feet, Anakin almost collapsed again; Ahsoka still cradled in his arms, eyes closed peacefully and face free of the pain and worry lines that had riddled it in her final moments. She looked calm; calmer than he had ever seen her._

_Anakin could convince himself she was only sleeping. She looked like she was sleeping. Her head was nestled into his chest and her arms drawn up near her face. She could be sleeping._

_He didn't let go of her the whole journey back to the Resolute. If anyone or thing came too close, the man would sink into an animalistic, protective stance and glare at the person that dared come near them, holding her close. No-one would ever hurt her again. She was safe with him. She just needed her rest._

_Any mention of putting her down sent him into an angry hissed fit, but he did so quietly – he didn't want to wake her, his Snips didn't get enough sleep._

_He still couldn't let go._

_She was safe now because he would never let go._

_He'd never let her go._


End file.
